It's been a strange time for me recently. Feeling high, feeling low, chasing after people, trying to let them go. But somehow it feels like a point at my life where things are really moving forward. I'm writing better than I have done for a long time, and actually getting through one of my novels, I hope. This will a huge milestone for me, because that's what's really been holding me back all these years - not finishing.
They say the world is full of people with great talent who never finish what they started, who never go all the way, whose wings are clipped before they get there. That's not going to be me. I'll take what I have and leave greatness to the others, because I've never felt so...determined...to do this than now.
And that's a strange feeling for me, because I've had a fear of failure for probably my entire adult life, and to step forward and not simply be thinking that I'm going to do this at some point, but instead it's going to be now, today, banking into this...is something my head struggles to come to terms with. I can bank into a dream, but banking into reality...now that's a whirlwind.
Today I woke up with the strange feeling that I wanted to reach out a hand to someone and say: "You met me at a really strange time in my life, Marla," as the entire landscape of the world changed around us.
And I realised again, that I always wanted to see what happened afterwards.